| http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/ If you can stomach all this and finish reading it your better than me. This was great: “A lot of people are comparing you to Alex Smith because you run the same offense … ” Herock started when Tebow suddenly cut him off. “Now hold on there, Mr. Herock,” Tebow said. “That’s where the comparisons end. I won the Heisman Trophy. I won a national championship two times.” He said it not with arrogance, although the words could have been parsed that way, but rather with an assuredness Tebow rarely reveals in his public interviews. <----BULLSHIT Woah the Heisman? The most overrated popularity contest award on par with those surfboards they give out at teen choice awards show. No one gives a fuck about your precious hunk of shit boat anchor bowling trophy. I won two national championships. YAWN. Someone want to tell this fuck stain what he did in college stopped mattering after his first snap in the NFL. |
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Some Tebow Love
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Hot Stuff
HP would like to see legislation passed mandating that anytime this specimen answers stupid questions from one of the fucking comedian anchors on THE OCHO, he does so via phone or with a paper bag over his head.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
An open letter to the Oakland Bengals
Congratulations on another stellar acquisition. TJ Houshmandzadeh. Hopefully you will have all the letters sewn onto his jersey so he can play Sunday. Yet, another former Bengal and one whos been sitting around the house blowing farts into a couch cushion while playing Madden. Maybe you can free up some space and get Ickey Woods to suit up again.
Back to the picture. This holy rolling second son of God brings his pious religion and unique brand of quarterbacking to the black hole Sunday. AND SO HELP ME GOD IF HE WINS THERE, I AM DONE WITH YOU RAIDERS. Do whatever it is you have to do. TO WIN. Pretend you have the ability to play this game correctly. Method act. If you will. Show up at practice. Work hard and shove that football down this embarrassments throat. Cause if the egg is on your face. It will never wash off.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Football
| I'm still savoring the sweet sweet sauza Sunday spectacular. In my tis tebow time poncho of course. I don't know what he has further up his ass. A crucifix or a horseshoe. Or both? He can't throw a fucking pass. Can't spot a wide open receiver can't check down gets sacked and sacked yet miraculously wins against the dreaded fins. And now well hear how amazing he is. How he needs a little more time to develop. How about how he does against a team that has won a game this year. All I know is I'm gona start praying to his God cause amazingly chicken shit is turned into salad. Amen. Very impressed by the 62 pts nawlins hung on another loser team. Bill Belicunt would be proud with running that score up. Hope another tsunami blows into the big sleazy. And Carson Palmer was super effective. I thought he might of failed miserably seeing as how he's been blowing farts into a couch cushion while playing Madden for the past year. Slap the franchise tag on this guy |
Sunday, August 7, 2011
HP's Official Guide To Asshole Spotting
Its tough. Sometimes they invade your personal space before you have the opportunity to flee. But. With this patented guide, spotting a fucking asshole will be a cinch.
Aviator Shades: Well. Well. Look at you 'Ponch' Poncherello. Looking hipster asshole chic and CHIPs sharp all in one neat little package. Too bad, those bad ass shades are not mirrored on the inside, so you can see what we see in them, ya know, besides ourselves laughing at you. A fucking trendsetting wannabe fuckstain whose style will be passe before I finish typing this....sentence. Guess that future wasn't so bright, that you had to wear shades.
But wait. Perhaps your a pilot? Howard Hughes. Aviator of those unfriendly skies. Or as I like to refer to you as. ASSHOLE. Or glorified bus driver, Take your pick. Both apply. What are you and your union sisters crying about this week? How down trodden you are? How you should be making millions to work for Peoples Express or whatever prestigious airline you fly for? With that. I agree. You should be making millions a year working for an airline. Only snag is you went to flight school. When you should of got your MBA, so you too can gut your precious airline. But hey. Its cool. You get to sleep in crew rooms and have some 75 year old skank blow you on layovers. How could you possibly complain? You never hear greyhound bus drivers bitch and moan. Why must we always hear you?
Although, You do a hell of a job when I fly. I do appreciate you getting on the blower and giving us your evening at the improv comedy routine. Ya, know the whole "We'll be landing in Barbados instead of Moose Knunckle, WY." BAWWW HA HA, Fucking, laugh, riot. Tho. I really appreciate you getting on the mic and giving me a turn by turn rundown of the flight plan. AHHHH (static)AHHHH we'll be flying over Scranton, PA....AHHHH (FUZZZZZZZ) (STATIC) 5 minutes of pointless bullshit minutia details, I cant hear cause of the crying kid next to me. This flight plan info would be great if A. We weren't 30K feet in the air so I could take pictures. B. I wasn't in the aisle seat passed out from $7 minis of Absolute. C. I gave a fuck. Your job is to get me there. Fast and efficient. In this fucking filthy 30 year old piece of shit means of transportation with as little interaction as possible. Just like a good bus driver should. Thanks Kramden!
Aviator Shades: Well. Well. Look at you 'Ponch' Poncherello. Looking hipster asshole chic and CHIPs sharp all in one neat little package. Too bad, those bad ass shades are not mirrored on the inside, so you can see what we see in them, ya know, besides ourselves laughing at you. A fucking trendsetting wannabe fuckstain whose style will be passe before I finish typing this....sentence. Guess that future wasn't so bright, that you had to wear shades.
But wait. Perhaps your a pilot? Howard Hughes. Aviator of those unfriendly skies. Or as I like to refer to you as. ASSHOLE. Or glorified bus driver, Take your pick. Both apply. What are you and your union sisters crying about this week? How down trodden you are? How you should be making millions to work for Peoples Express or whatever prestigious airline you fly for? With that. I agree. You should be making millions a year working for an airline. Only snag is you went to flight school. When you should of got your MBA, so you too can gut your precious airline. But hey. Its cool. You get to sleep in crew rooms and have some 75 year old skank blow you on layovers. How could you possibly complain? You never hear greyhound bus drivers bitch and moan. Why must we always hear you?
Although, You do a hell of a job when I fly. I do appreciate you getting on the blower and giving us your evening at the improv comedy routine. Ya, know the whole "We'll be landing in Barbados instead of Moose Knunckle, WY." BAWWW HA HA, Fucking, laugh, riot. Tho. I really appreciate you getting on the mic and giving me a turn by turn rundown of the flight plan. AHHHH (static)AHHHH we'll be flying over Scranton, PA....AHHHH (FUZZZZZZZ) (STATIC) 5 minutes of pointless bullshit minutia details, I cant hear cause of the crying kid next to me. This flight plan info would be great if A. We weren't 30K feet in the air so I could take pictures. B. I wasn't in the aisle seat passed out from $7 minis of Absolute. C. I gave a fuck. Your job is to get me there. Fast and efficient. In this fucking filthy 30 year old piece of shit means of transportation with as little interaction as possible. Just like a good bus driver should. Thanks Kramden!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Fox
| http://www.fox.com/ Fox you've done it again! 13 days til this show premiers and 14 til its canceled. Did I mention its produced by Willie Beamen? The promo for this stinky piece of shit really hammers it home, as if a halfassed Ali G show knockoff isn't enough incentive to watch. Produced by? Who gives a fuck? I never got that? (voice of god) FROM THE PRODUCERS OF, like I give a fuck who shelled out coin to sit around on the set and blow farts into a directors chair with their name on it and call themselves producer. |
SOS!! SAVE OUR SLOBS
http://blog.games.yahoo.com/blog/866-xbox-addict-dies-from-blood-clot/
Action must be taken now!!! Wont someone PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN! How would you like us to nanny state this tragic epidemic? Perhaps you could send me a list of all the fat ass, chalk faced, lazy video game addicts and I could make house calls and go and pry their clawed talons from their xbox controllers, get them up, walk around the dank basement which they inhabit. Fluff their beanbag chairs for them, shift them around every couple of hours so their enlarged hearts don't explode. Oh, were all willing to do what it takes to save your poor children, since your helpless and have reared a complete and total mental defective. This is a crippling addiction. I wont sit idly by while more, in this case budding scholars of higher learning fall victim to this. The Hallowed halls of The University of Leicester will be darkened. Think of all he had to do to gain acceptance to this prestigious institution. Mainly opening the front door. Which I'm sure was a feat for him in itself.
Action must be taken now!!! Wont someone PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN! How would you like us to nanny state this tragic epidemic? Perhaps you could send me a list of all the fat ass, chalk faced, lazy video game addicts and I could make house calls and go and pry their clawed talons from their xbox controllers, get them up, walk around the dank basement which they inhabit. Fluff their beanbag chairs for them, shift them around every couple of hours so their enlarged hearts don't explode. Oh, were all willing to do what it takes to save your poor children, since your helpless and have reared a complete and total mental defective. This is a crippling addiction. I wont sit idly by while more, in this case budding scholars of higher learning fall victim to this. The Hallowed halls of The University of Leicester will be darkened. Think of all he had to do to gain acceptance to this prestigious institution. Mainly opening the front door. Which I'm sure was a feat for him in itself.
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