Douche of the Day

This guy is an idiot. All that money and not even a hand job, but he sure got fucked. He's probably at home polishing his gun thinking about where to shoot himself.

http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/news/local/chibrknews-naperville-man-sends-200000-to-fake-online-girlfriend-20110227,0,4026287.story

80s tits. A Not So Scientific Pull

The Nominees are:

Jamie Lee Curtis

Joyce Hyser

Phoebe Cates

Pass The Hat.

http://www.showbizspy.com/article/226836/tonya-harding-too-broke-to-pay-her-rent-former-figure-skating-champ-tonya-harding-struggling-for-money.html

Yawn. Tell ya what. I'll give you $36 bucks to appear in our snuff film. Interested?

Modern Banking

You ever seen these Chase bank commercials with the cool music and I'm so cool I can bank with my smartphone hipster assholes? I CAN TAKE A PICTURE OF MY CHECK AND DEPOSIT IT? WOHA!!!! You just swayed me to putting my shekels in your vault. Is it possible that I could take a picture of my cock and could you deposit it in your ASS? WOW. When did banking become so cool?

Carlos Estevez

Oh Charles, look what you've done now.  You might as well kiss that piece of shit sitcom goodbye now. Loved to read your letter on TMZ.com. Relax people it was the same dick and fart joke over and over again. Glad to see it go. What porn star will he beat up/ pork next?

Friday Night Delights

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Not Taking what their giving. Cause working for a living SUCKS

Thank you for expressing interest in this position. Would you like to schedule an time to  come in for an interview?

Oh boy. WOULD I?!?!? Tis my lucky day! A job interview. If I play my cards right I just might land this coveted dream job of wearing a neon reflective vest and shagging shopping carts in a parking lot. (fingers crossed)

But I gotta play it cool. I have to ace that interview. Gotta use that panache that has made me the titan of industry that I am thus far.

I like to show up "fashionably late" for an interview. I feel an hour is pretty fashionable. Rock bands never start a concert on time. Why should I give a shit about time?

They like to start in with the hand shaking and we've gone over your resume and think you would be a perfect candidate.....

Not me! I like to get pro active. Show them how confident I am. I like to walk in. Look around the room and pause a second, then make comment how this room has amazing feng shui (big words impress and show that your educated and cultured) Then proceed to throw a chair out the nearest window....It had bad energy. Ripping a rather steamy frozen Mexican dinner tinged aromatic fart when you walk in and shooting the interviewer a wink is also first impression gold.

Please, take a seat...

I usually say I would like to. But, due to a ruptured hemorrhoid I find sitting on chairs challenging. Mind if I lay on the floor?

Then they want to talk about the job.

I hate lying to people, so I like to lay my cards on the table first.

Look...dude (always scores points when interviewing with a woman) Lets dispense with the formalities, the only reason why I got up before 3PM today to come here is two fold. A: The great state in which I live told me they would cut my unemployment stipend if I didn't actively look for employment. I can't....no I WONT let them take that away from me, its afforded me this lifestyle Ive grown accustomed to. A rich and rewarding life of sleeping all day. Not showering for days on end. Watching every porno the internet has to offer and masterbating into a tube sock. and B: The old lady mentioned something in passing that if I didn't get off my lazy ass and go "look" for a job me and my shit would be on the front yard. So, that's what brings me here today. If you want to sit around and shoot the shit for a while about this job. That cool, I got time before I have to catch the bus.
 

Wake Up NY!

This is the morning traffic girl on some CW affiliate in NY/NJ. Gives a reason to get up at 5 am and beat off.

http://www.google.com/search?q=jill+nicolini&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

What A Good Reason To Do It

Here's a good reason to off yourself. My tits aren't big enough. Brilliant! I guess her tips at the the Jiggly Room weren't as good as with HUGE tits. Yeah real good idea to off yourself because your kids don't need you or anything.


http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2011/02/16/2011-02-16_woman_who_claims_worlds_largest_breasts_sheyla_hershey_in_a_coma_after_suicide_a.html

Billy Ray.....

Ah Billy Ray. The King of the perfect sexy hair cut. We are so thrilled to find out that you are blaming Hanna Montana for ruining your family. Why don't you just come out and say that your daughter fucked up your family. And tell Miley that you hate her because of it. Sounds to us like that is what you really meant.

Jersey Whore

Does this face scream I would suck cock to get ahead in life? Maybe she already has....

Re Twatter

nbc_sports Brazilian great Ronaldo reportedly to announce retirement Monday. http://bit.ly/hvkXNU

Ah! FUCK!! Are you serious? I was hoping to fill the void football left in my life with soccer. But with Geraldo not playing anymore it wont be the same. It will just be another lame fucking sport.

Re Twatter

GiulianaRancic Another pic of Lady Gaga just arriving at Grammys!!! She's incubating! http://twitpic.com/3zhj6a

Oh really? What a coincidence..... I'm also incubating.....a rather large fiber rich turd. Its release date is momentarily. I'm starting to crown. 

Random Thoughts

I love spam. I win the nigerian lottery daily. Send 10K US to release the funds. Oh ok. I'm on my way to the bank. How about I release in your face. Ah a blog post. Fun with spam. I think its easier to talk about the blog then actually blog. Damn you laziness!!!

There's a asteroid coming!

Pack your shit now cause there's an asteroid coming straight for earth. Make those bucket lists now because you only have 25 years until it gets there. Maybe Lindsey Lohan will be out of jail by then and Justin Beiber will have off'd himself (doing all of us a favor, I keed I keed).

OH SHIT

Happy Sauza Sunday!

As Da Coach says, Sauza! Have a fun fun super sunday and don't lose too much money on the game. We are taking the over on the national anthem. Good prob bet. The pack will win the toss also. We expect a cut on your winnings. Just deposit them in the donation box in the upper right. We need beer and cigarette money, oh and boos too. Must have boos to get by (helps with the writing).

Ah no super bears in the Super Bowl. Too bad cause they sucked anyway. 

SAUZA!

Bitch of the Day!

Here is today's bitch of the day. I would like to congratulate her on a winning mug shot!

Related article

Friday Night Dumping Ground

I was watching some boring ass TV show the other day and I saw that the show with Jim Belushi was moved to the dumping ground that is Friday nights. Does anybody watch TV on that night? Can we go ahead and cancel this pile of shit already. I hope this new show is better than that steaming pile that was According to Jim. Only good thing about that show was Courtney Thorne Smith who you may remember from such classics as Summer School.

Bring back the good Friday nights with Urkel already. Didn't he kill himself? Oh that reminds me wasn't the younger sister in porn. I love young sitcom stars and their down falls.

So Whats with...

SO...Whats with this fucking Biggest Loser show? Oy! Let's stop celebrating these worthless assholes who finally got all "health nut" on us. Wow, you stopped inhaling Ding Dong's by the caseload and introduced yourself to a fucking exercise bike! Ohhh, I'm so proud of you! Your so strong! Now you wont lose your "ham hock" foot... to diabetes. Go you!

I love the sob story of how hard and difficult it was to live as a typical obese american...How no one would fuck you, how you put countless all you can eat buffets out of business, what a chore it was for you to wipe your ass. Ummmm, Go fuck yourself.  Your losing weight means nothing to me, your still a fucking loser and I give you a month after taping ends before you start finding comfort in 5 cases of White Castles again.

That being said. That Jillian broad has bicasual dyke hotness about her I dig. Wouldn't mind seeing some double dildo action between her and the blond host chick.

DOUCHE OF THE DAY.

Here's you Douche of the Day

Congrats asshole!

Its A Who's Who Of WHO CARES

http://content.usatoday.com/communities/gameon/post/2011/02/whos-on-foxs-super-bowl-pregame-show-jenifer-aniston-michael-douglas-owen-wilson-and-president-obama/1

I just OMGee'd all over. Quite the cavalcade of stars. I can wait to see Jennifer Aniston stack the box....Hope she uses a cucumber. Oh Michael Douglas!! Wow. Look forward to him breaking down the game for us. All those years he spent in the NFL the guy is a wealth of football knowledge. Couldn't they get Al Pacino? At least he played a football coach in a movie. Or is this just yet another stop on Michael Douglas' I HAVE CANCER WORLD TOUR? Hey, Gordon Gekko. Next stop? Death.

I Wish I Knew All Of These Guys

Here is a very interesting story that was sent to me from a friend.  What a great group of guys huh? I would like to find one of these so called "white devils." Didn't all of these guys go to college, and where is that suit that Ray Lewis seemed to have "misplaced?" My guess is it's with the "real" killers that O.J. is looking for. By the way Juice, can I call you Juice, how is that "search" coming from prison?

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/585002-the-20-worst-criminals-in-nfl-history?utm_source=outbrain.com&utm_medium=referral#page/10